The year was 2014 and I was in a horribly functioning
relationship with a girl I met at school, Jackson State University. At the
time, I was making all sorts of excuses for that person and why I couldn’t
leave the relationship. Luckily for me, I had an opportunity to go to Germany
for my second year in a row and continue playing football. While I was in Germany,
this person, “forced” by me, took a trip to LA to do some photoshoot work.
After a couple days in the big city, she decided she needed to spend the summer
there and we needed a “break.” Meaning, I want to run around and do whatever I
want and when I’m done with that we can be back together. Taking breaks is for
12 year olds and married couples who remain faithful, just need space for a specific
amount of time so their marriage doesn’t fail. Anyhow, I wasn’t 12 and I for
damn sure wasn’t married. I gave them a week to think about the decision they
were making and to decide what’s more important to them. Well, time was up. The
last saga of this failed relationship came to an end merely 3 years after it
started. There’s a couple things every person should do when either broken up
with or breaking off a long-term bf/gf relationship.
1st – Delete every picture, memory, text, number,
email, and item that’s associated with them.
2nd – For the next month, write a list of all the
things you wish to do with your new found independence.
3rd – Rebuild relationships that may have gotten
lost with your closest family members, friends, and mentors immediately.
4th – Find and act solely on your OWN interests,
worth, and confidence again.
5th – Evaluate all the negative behaviors you
adapted while in your past relationship, and vow to never be that person again.
Most people want to maintain status with people they’ve recently
dated in their life, I once too thought, “Well why can’t I just be friends with
someone I dated? I’m mature enough for that.” In reality, we’re not, and it has
very little to do with maturity. What purpose does it do you to stay friends
with a girl/guy you shared a couple years with? Would your next partner
appreciate your friendliness with that person? Would you be understanding if
the person you’re dating is good friends with the guy/girl they once shared a
life with? So in reality it’s really not about you in that moment, it’s about
your lack of baggage in the future. If you don’t have anything permanently connecting
you to that person, like Kids, cut your losses and simply move on.
In the midst of realizing all this, I recognized a few more
things. I remembered I was on the other side of the world, surrounded by
amazing friends and teammates, a game I’ve been playing my whole life, youth,
health, and lastly, LIFE.
The most important decision I made at this point in my life was
my choice to go Celibate. I wanted to truly experience life around me without
sexual distractions and everything that comes with it. Most of us will crave meaningless
attention in hopes to feel better about ourselves. I chose to occupy my time
doing things that I always had passion for, as well as enjoying the genuine
company from people I knew. This was a piece I wrote at the time I made the
decision.
I'm
choosing to grow as an individual. I'm not searching for anybody else, I'm only
finding more of myself. I'm no longer focused on the immediate and faint
satisfactions in this life. I will not be engaged in wreck less decision
making, jeopardizing my future, health, and character. Intimacy, in this
plagued world, is almost lost. It's meant for two people lost in each other, I’m
now understanding how valuable this connection is. I have no pride, I don't
care what you think, I will never pass judgment on another, THIS is for me.
Over one month down, until I meet the person I love to go.
When you make this decision you find your time and energy
truly focused on so much more productive things you start to wonder why you
didn’t commit to it much earlier. It’s not easy by any means, temptation will
be all over, but resisting it, you will learn and appreciate a great deal of
yourself.
I began thinking of relationships as an unnecessary part of our
early 20’s. Learning experiences, sure, after all, that’s what majority of them
turn into. My mentality with the opposite sex now, was simple…
1.
Meet people with no intentions
2.
Be honest, open, and transparent
3.
Never make interactions physical
4.
See if one conversation can naturally lead to
another
This DID NOT, I repeat DID NOT mean I was out trying to meet
girls. I actually despised wasting my time on “Meeting people.” These were just
my principles on making new friends. If you can fall in love with someone for
who they are, and not what they have or what they look like, you’ll be in love
for a very long time.
Terry Crews, in February, 2016 announced to the world he and
his wife, went on a 90-day celibate sex fast with each other to save their
marriage. His quote…
“My wife and I, we did a 90-Day sex fast. 90 days, no sex. All
relationship, all talk. All cuddle. And I found at the end of that 90 days, I
was more in love, more turned on, more “I knew who she was.” And it wasn’t about.
“let’s go out because I know I’ma get some sex later.” It was like, “No, let’s
go out because I want to talk to you. I want to know you better."
This obviously happened two years later than the time frame
of all this happening in my life, but I knew I was onto something anyway.
Sometimes, the universe doesn’t care what your “plans” are, or what your mentality
is. Five months later, I met a girl the ONE way, in the ONE period of my life,
I genuinely said I wouldn’t. How did we meet? What happened? Who is she? To be
continued.
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