Kid before a ring? The new generation.

We see it every day, “Relationship goals.” Young people creating the stigma that having kids before marriage, is the new standard. We praise the young couples who have adorable kids, but pay no mind to the ones who’ve eternally committed to one another. As if our generation needs to sit on their phones and make it more alluring to have a kid without everlasting commitment to the person you’re inevitably committing long-term to. A friend of mine, who has two-kids with his long term girlfriend, jokingly said, “I’m not purposing, that’s too much of a commitment.” As if two kids aren’t, “much of a commitment.” This small example only speaks on the feeble mentalities of today’s world.

You can’t honestly sit here and tell me you don’t scroll around social media, seeing girls with pregnant belly’s and small kids, and say, BUT WHERE’S YOUR RING?

I find it disturbingly funny in the proudness girls have when they post pictures of themselves, their kids, their pregnancies, with no ring on their finger. You can sit here and say, “Well some people don’t believe in the act of marriage,” blah blah, but if they were proposed to, I’ll bet anything on them saying YES. The ring isn’t just a symbol of marriage, fine, don’t get married, it’s a symbol of commitment. Yes, these bonds are broken, all the time, but isn’t it worth a shot? Marriage, when you finally grow up and stop playing house, grants you many benefits in this life. Insurance, income, equity, tax cuts, and credit building are just a few.

Marriage is a big scary word that frightens most people under the age of 24-ish. I don’t want to get into the whole cliché, “Find your soul mate and build a life together,” when the people saying this are Snapchat all-stars and have over 50 unread texts from physical interests. All I’m saying is, stumble upon that person who rocks your world for being the person they are. Then you slowly BUILD a strong foundation, COMMIT to a life together, and START a life together.

We can all have sex and finish self satisfyingly in the place where kids are created. In those moments, lust consumes us, drowning our judgments in transitory pleasure. We tend to momentarily forget doing so could create a human being. Well, until those few seconds are over and you’re now sitting there, literally, with your dick in your hand. “Oh shit.” You’re damn right, oh shit. Now is the moment you circle the wagon, trying to figure out every way possible to make sure your actions don’t result in a pregnancy. After all your attempts and lackadaisical effort, a kid is on the way. A child with no certainty their parents have committed to each other, a couple with the screeching title, “baby’s father/mother,” instead of “Husband/Wife,” and lastly, a family with loose ends. Instead of knowing you’re both going to have a home together, raising a child TOGETHER, having a husband/wife to call by your side, possibly the thoughts of a growing family, you’re now sitting around wondering if you’ll one day be vying for child support. Marriage doesn’t cost you anything but a small city fine if it really came down to it. A child, well that will cost you much more than just the money it takes to raise one.

Whether in conversation or online, when people see a good looking couple, the first comments or questions are, “You guys would make perfect kids.” “OMG when are you guys having kids? No one stops to wonder why people never say, “You guys should get married.” “When are you purposing?”

No one is saying marriage increases the longevity of two people’s relationship with each other. But let’s really dive into WHY people are getting married, or having kids, before the other.

In a life where finding your soul mate is the goal, do we settle for less because we think money, status, and stability means more?

A study, from sociologists at Johns Hopkins University and the University of Melbourne, published in the journal American Sociological Review, found that in areas with the greatest income inequality, young men and women were more likely to have their first child before marriage.

From 1997-2011, 9,000 men and woman were interviewed continuously on their standing of income, demographic, and status. The data showed that, by 2011, about 53 percent of those women and 41 percent of those men had at least one child. The researchers then separated the parents into three relationship categories: married, living with a partner, or single. They then matched that information to census data on income and employment in the counties where the people lived.

The impact on women was the most dramatic. Young women living in areas with the greatest inequality were 15 to 27 percent less likely to MARRY before having a child than women in areas with lower inequality.

They also found that in areas where men outnumber women, a woman is more likely to get married before having a child. The reasoning for this has more to do with money than love. “This is consistent with the idea that when women are in short supply, they can bargain more effectively for marriage or a partnership prior to childbirth,”

The study found a correlation between an area’s high unemployment rates and a greater likelihood that a man would have a child out of wedlock. For both men and women, the larger the availability of medium-skilled jobs, the more likely they were to marry before having their first child. Why exactly, does the economy play a role in marriage decisions? The researchers give this explanation: Men without well-paying jobs are not seen as marriage material. “These men would be less desirable as marriage partners because of their reduced earning potential,” writes a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins.

A college degree seems to be a good indicator of the choices millennials will make about getting married or starting a family. The proven research shows that millennials without college degrees, are now more likely to have a child without getting married first.

Cherlin says his research shows the importance of strengthening middle-market jobs and training young adults for them, arguing that doing so would increase family stability.

“We'd have a larger percentage of children born to married couples, who tend to stay together longer than cohabiting couples do, so improving job opportunities for high school graduates, something we'd like to do anyway, would benefit the family lives of young adults and their children.”

In the meantime, it looks like going to college, or at least moving to areas with less inequality, may also improve a person’s chances of getting married before starting a family. And this, is what most young people want anyway.

So it seems love and soul mates aren’t what we seek anymore. We’d rather settle on stability, selfishness, fear, and desperation. Thrusting a child into this world without family stability. It appears the options are there, get a college education, or move to a more enlightened part of whatever country you live in.

Furthermore, if you’re sitting there rambling off how parents that have kids before marriage are still a higher success than people who get married first… guess again.

 The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia reported.

"Nearly 40 percent of cohabiting twenty-something parents who had a baby between 2000 and 2005 split up by the time their child was five; that’s three times higher than the rate for twenty-something parents who were married when they had a child."

So, if you're still someone who believes having kids is better before marriage, ask yourself this question. After a few dates with someone you’re very interested in, what bit of information would be more troubling to you? A brighter red flag?

-       If the person begins telling you that they were married once before, and it ended in divorce.

-       If the person begins telling you that they have a kid with someone else, a person they’ve only dated for some time in their life

If the answer isn’t obvious, then kudos to you, you’ll be a fantastic step mother/father. You’ll have to deal with building a relationship with a kid who isn’t yours, as well as the other parent, and never get to experience that magical event for the first time with that person, because they already have. This world isn’t perfect, but if you still have the blank pages to write your own families story, why not start it with, “I married the love of my live, and we started a family.”

Don’t become a statistic, and especially don’t follow in your ever failing celebrity couple’s footsteps. Are you still thinking wipes over weddings? Think again.